Self-Respect: 5 Ways To Stay True To Yourself

Do you constantly feel like you owe others an explanation, you must prove your worth, you’re obligated to say yes to invitations or requests, and/or that you must reply immediately to a text, email, or phone call? If the answer is yes, then you may have low self-respect.

The reality is, you don’t have to drop everything to respond to someone – most things can wait. You don’t have to prove your worth and you certainly don’t have to do anything special to deserve love and respect. Not only do you not owe anything to anyone, you are also allowed to say ‘NO’. Period.

If a relationship doesn’t feel right to you, if a job offer doesn’t align with your values, or you simply aren’t in the mood for a social gathering – then honor yourself and say no. In healthy relationships, anyone who respects you – and respects themselves – will understand and will be okay with your decision. If anyone makes you feel guilty, shameful, or pressured for saying no or not answering the phone the first time they called, then they are not interested in what’s best for you – they’re interested in what you will do for them.

While it’s natural for humans to crave a sense of community and belonging, it’s important not to get so caught up in the needs of others. Consequently, you begin to let go of your own needs and lose self-respect.

If you feel lost and don’t know how to begin to love and honor yourself, that’s okay! Below are 5 ways to stay true to yourself and build self-respect:

1. Identify Your Values and Stand by Them

As necessary as it may seem to be helpful and kind to others, it’s equally important to be kind to yourself. So, be careful not to completely sacrifice your needs and values for someone else. Some people will never be satisfied and will drain your energy as long as you let them – and we can’t control other people or their emotions, we can only control ourselves.

So, what are things you need in a relationship? Think about your values. According to PsychCentral, “values are firm beliefs about what’s important or desirable to you in life.” What are you not willing to compromise on? What is non-negotiable? Some examples include:

• Adventure
• Creativity
• Health
• Humor
• Family
• Integrity
• Curiosity
• Loyalty

The more you align your actions with your values, the more you are respecting yourself. This will help you feel accomplished and energized – which you deserve just as much as anyone else!

2. Beware of Toxic Patterns & Disrespect

Take a good, honest look at the people surrounding you. Do they inspire you and celebrate your success? On the contrary, do they constantly criticize or pull you into their personal issues? Whenever there are patterns of toxic and disrespectful behavior from the people around you, it’s important to recognize this, as it can be damaging your personal growth.

Disrespect/toxic behavior from others can look like:

3. Enforce Boundaries

You may have heard before that setting boundaries is important to let others know what you’re willing to tolerate. Setting boundaries is the first step, but enforcing them is often the hardest part. Consider these three tips to enforce boundaries:

1. Set Early:

It can be difficult to start setting new boundaries in an existing relationship where the other person is used to getting away with so much (but it’s possible). It’s never too late to let someone know you’re beginning to take yourself more seriously and they need to do the same if they truly care about you. When possible, set boundaries early on as this clarifies for people who you are, what you will and will not tolerate, and your boundaries will be easier to follow.

2. Communicate:

Express your needs clearly and kindly. Avoiding uncomfortable conversations isn’t helping anyone. Communicating authentically is the only way for people to know things about you – and people do want to know YOU. They will accept you for who you are, so speak up!

3. Be Consistent:

Once you’ve made a decision or promise to yourself, stick to it and follow through. Maintain your boundaries even when you feel pressured. It may be hard at first, but regularly enforcing boundaries will make life easier in the long run.

If you continuously let things slide and compromise on your needs or values, this will result in others not taking you seriously and you may be taken advantage of. You may also start to feel like you’re always giving in to others, which can lead to resentment. If you find yourself consistently asking someone to honor your boundaries and they consistently violate them, recognize this as a pattern of toxic behavior that is unlikely to change.

The best thing you can do for yourself is be honest about whether you are consistently getting the respect you deserve. If the answer is no, the best thing you can do for yourself AND others, is walk away or at least limit their access to you.

4. Stop Comparing Yourself With Others

With low self-respect we often compare ourselves with others. While it can be helpful to look at others for inspiration and motivation at times, try to avoid making comparisons.

Think about a big dream of yours. Do you want to start your own business? Become a dancer? Write a book? What’s holding you back? Maybe you’re looking at those who have been successful in these areas and you’ve noticed they followed a different path. Perhaps they chose a different area of study or career path to get to where they are at in their business venture, maybe they’ve been dancing since they were a child, maybe they started writing because of a deeply moving personal experience – that doesn’t mean you don’t have something of value to offer or that you can’t achieve goals of your own!

Undoubtedly, a better way to spend your time is to think about the skills and qualities you do have. A skill could be as simple as: you are good at organizing, and a positive quality: you have a lot of patience. Focusing on your strengths will get you much further than focusing on what others are doing. The more you reflect, the more self-respect you will have and you will learn to appreciate what you bring to the table.

5. Incorporate Self-Care Into Your Day

Have compassion and give yourself grace. Remember, it is normal and okay not to have it all together all the time.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It provides you with the capacity to show up for others in the best possible ways. Everyone has needs, and it’s best to nurture them rather than suppress. Caring for yourself clears your mind and creates the space necessary to take on the rest of the world. Below are some simple ways to add self-care into your day:

• Get outside! Look up at the sky, feel the sun on your skin, breathe
• Connect with yourself by doing some gentle stretches – start small then build up!
• Develop an exercise routine or yoga practice
• Try aromatherapy – have some scented candles, oils, lotions, etc. that make you feel warm & fuzzy
• Read
• Write things down that you’re grateful for
• Draw/create
• Listen to music that matches your mood

Stay True

Having self-respect earns you respect from others. If you don’t take yourself seriously, why should anyone else? With this in mind, remember that your goal is not to control or change other people. Chiefly, the goal is to help others understand how they can show up for you. Clearly communicating what’s important to you right away goes far.

Identifying your values, communicating them, and being consistent in your actions will harbor a beautiful relationship with the most important person – you. If you want to feel energized and fulfilled, then stay true to yourself and be authentic in your relationships. Recognize patterns of toxic behavior and be honest with yourself. Acknowledge when your needs aren’t being met, and then make a decision for yourself – whether you need to walk away, or limit access to you with firm boundaries.

Remember, you are enough!

You are worthy and deserving of respect!

Let others know who you are and how you will be treated. Don’t worry about what others are doing – worry about you, and always make time to take care of yourself!

How do you stay true yourself and maintain self-respect? Comment below!